Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My life has changed.

My life has changed.  I am sure you have noticed.  It has been wonderful and glorious and challenging and ugly.  You know, growth.  For all of us.  Growth is painful and SO worth it.

Before all of this change I clung to my quiet time with God every morning.  5:30 alarm.  Up in a flash.  Grabbed my coffee, my bible, sat on the couch on the far left corner situating myself so that I could see out the window a bit.  Ahhh.  Perfect.  Soaking in the word and spending that quiet time in prayer before those little feet hit the ground running was amazing!  I was so glad that I had made that decision every day to  be alone with my father.  I could NOT understand why more people could not do it.  What is wrong with them?!

Then, change.  Lots of it.  And my mood is FUNKY.  Oh and how hard I have tried to blame my funkiness on various issues.  I am too busy.  I am tired.  My children don't behave.  I wish I could have a few days away with my husband.  Adoption is hard.  The roof is leaking.  I have cold sores for the fourth time in 4 months.  The lake house may not pan out.  Oh well, you get the picture.  BUT I know the real reason.  The thing at the root of it all.

The snooze button is hit for 45 minutes.  I drag myself downstairs to the coffee pot just as I hear the little feet hit the ground and begin to run.  Toward. Me.  UGH!  Then there are a million things that occur over the next 14 hours and none of them involve soaking in the word and quiet time in prayer.  That little spot on the couch is collecting dust and so is my bible.  I am frustrated and tired.  I hear the Lord saying "you may be tired, Jamie, but I am not."

A friend called today.  She is a spiritual mentor and her kids are all older and in school.  She said that I need to have a different plan for how I go about getting that nourishment and quiet with my father.  "Listen to sermons or scripture while you are doing dishes and laundry" she says.  You have to get that time somehow and the way you get it may change.  And in fact it must or else the thing or person that is keeping you from what you so desperately want will become a target of irritation.  And that is so true.  Lately, poor sweet Naomi wakes happily to find her grumpy mother trying desperately to grab the bible and steal 5 minutes of reading while shooing her away with annoyance.

So as I was thinking of these things and as the day has worn on I have had some quiet time in the midst of the commotion of preschoolers.  On the way home from dropping Isaiah and a friend at tennis a song came on that brought me to tears.  I was so thankful in that moment for Christian radio no matter how cheesy it can be at times.  That was a moment for me to worship and sing the scripture that I so desire to ponder. I took hold of it with thanks.  Then after lunch while rocking Levi I whispered in his ear "I love you" and he whispered the same back to me as he smiled big.  I rubbed his back while we had a long conversation most of which I did not understand.  He began to rub my back too and gave me kisses on the forehead.  In that moment I realized God's presence and the gift that he was giving me of quiet time with Him and Levi.  Priceless.

All I had to do was desire Him with all of my heart and cry out to Him and He was there to meet me.  He met me right where I was.

So with that, here is a song that our worship team has been belting out at church.  It's the one that spoke to me today.  If you are a mom of preschoolers turn up your radio or grab your Ipod and get nourished while doing this amazing, beautiful, glorious work that the Lord has set before us.


D&J said...

Jamie-thanks for sharing your heart. So good for me to hear as it's been a struggle for me too. Bless you girl.

First Baptist Church said...

What a wonderful witness you are to so many other Moms!!
I will be praying for you to adust to all of the "things" the devil is trying to send your way.

Shannon Council
(Kim Mitchell's "best" friend)

Becky Bartlett said...

Great post, Jamie! This is soooo true- I've been working on the same thing here in my house... learning to see/hear God in different ways during this crazy stage of life. Thanks for sharing this!